Moony's Insert Title Here
by Em3191
Summary: This whole mess started with a journal? The Journal Remus Lupin got for his 16th birthday is turning out to be more troublesome than he thought. Never mind that Sirius always finds it...cowritten by IndescribablyBee.
1. Of Journals and Drunks

**E/N: Roses are red violets are purple I own nothing you recognize so please don't sue!**

January 2nd

Journal,

Do you know how much trouble and teasing you've caused me? I've already had you for a few hours and you're causing trouble. And now I need to give you a name because if I keep calling you journal it will start to get annoying. **Why will it get ****annoying to call an inanimate object by its proper name Moony? I mean we do it for several other things. And I ****know what you're thinking but I only had three drops of the smartening solution, not four. So nah-nah-nah-nah-nah! **I'll think of something after this entree.

It all started this morning when James, Sirius, and I were trying to recover from the hangover we acquired for celebrating my sixteenth birthday a little too enthusiastically last night. We had run out of hangover potion we had to use another remedy. **You ****know Moony I **_**always**_** keep extra hangover potion. I guess that makes me smarter than you. :)** We had to keep alllight and loud noises away from my bedroom. And this plan was working out fine until we heard a tapping on the window(which sounded more like a pounding **(very, very loud pounding)**). As I went to the window to get the owl I realized that todo so I'd let light in the room and if I didn't that tapping noise would go on forever. So I threw back the curtains letting the lightcascade into the room. As the sunlight infiltrated every corner of the room Sirius dove under my bed yelling "Turn off the sun!Turn off the sun!" which was pretty stupid if you ask me. **It's not my fault that I was asking the impossible! I just have****that much faith in your magical ability Moony! **I think the dust bunnies under my bed liked Sirius because when hereemerged he had dust in his hair and all over his pajamas. _**shudder**_** They were **_**everywhere**_** Moony!**

Once the window was open, the owl flew to my desk dropping the parcel and letter on its surface and flew back out the openwindow. As I finished the letter James came by asking whom it was from. I told him it was a birthday present from Lily. Jameswas a bit jealous that I was in contact with Lily when all he would usually receive was cold remarks from her. I think it upset himquite a bit. **And I think that that was one of the greatest understatements of the century. I mean the size of that hole ****he put in your wall…you know if you're not going to tell the truth to your **_**diary**_** what are you going to tell the truth ****to? You don't lie to me right Moony? **_**Puppy dog eyes**_It was Sirius that broke the uncomfortable silence by telling me to just open the present already. As I took the brightly colored paper off the object, you (insert Journal's name here), fell out causing Sirius and James to erupt in laughter. Oh how they kept teasing me that I got a journal. "Moony what are you going to call your new _diary_." "Moony can I borrow your journal when you're done so I can write down some thoughts." After a while the teasing died down and we started talking about other things. **That's what you think. Just wait until you see what we did…**

Honestly, I never thought I'd be writing in a diary… uh, I mean Journal. Who knows? It could be interesting to look back on my thoughts from my sixth year later in life (if I decide to keep you that long). Well I should write Lily thanks for the present and I will try to write again soon. **Me too!!!! You know you love me Moony.**

P.S. I think I'll call you Archimedes it sounds much better than journal. **Archimedes is a lame name. Lamey-lamey-lame. I say you name it Padoony, after both of us. It's a much better name if I do say so myself. Which of course I do. Oooohhhh…pie….**

**E/N:** Hello, Fantastically amazing readers. For this story I write the Remus parts and then send it to Bee for beta and Sirius. Well nothing more to say but please review. So I can rave to Bee about how amazing I am –rolls eyes-. So push the little purple/blue button. :p

**B/N:** Hello, lovely readers. I'm writing the Sirius parts, and beta-ing the story. Any issues with spelling, grammar, etc. can be pm-ed to me through my account (indescribablyBee) or addressed to me in a review and Em will forward them. Now review and tell Em how much you loved the story so that she can rant and rave about how lovely she is to me later:)


	2. Over the River & Through the Woods

**E/N: Anything you recognize I don't own it.**

**B/N: Anything you recognize I do...receives threatening email…or not.**

**Chapter 2: Over the River and Through the Woods to Hogwarts we go.**

January 7th

Hey Archimedes,

Today is the day we go back to Hogwarts Winter break is over. Now most of us are on the train back. I bet you are wondering why I'm not writing that the guys are still teasing me for keeping a journal? And if you're not you probably are now.

**Why would your diary be wondering anything Remmy? It doesn't have a brain silly. And if it does I shall burn it with great ceremony and do a Banishment Dance around the blaze of its destruction. You know I will.** Well, Archimedes the other three are off pranking. Yes I know I'm a prefect and put an end to their pranking but I really wanted to use this time to write.

But if they do start teasing me I just need to say something like 'Sirius the dust bunnies really miss you. I think I saw some trying to get into your trunk while we were packing.' He would then look around nervously for the little balls of dust. Prongs would then take the opportunity to say "The 'Great' Sirius Black afraid of dust bunnies." It's pretty amusing and then they quickly forget about the journal they were teasing me about earlier. **I have discovered your plan!! Muahahahaha!!! And for your information exactly seven dust bunnies stow-awayed in my trunk, and I'm now keeping them as pets under my bed. Don't go under there…they might eat you…no lie…**

Speaking of the mutt, how did he find this journal? I hid it and made sure to charm it so only I can accio it. Maybe I am being too predictable in the case of hiding this journal. Great now I sound a bit paranoid. Oh and Sirius if you are reading this now paws off! **Bad pun Moony…bad, bad pun. And you're not being predictable; you're just underestimating the Great Sirius Black.**

Oh… hold on a second someone just walked in.

_10 minutes later_

That was Lily she came to tell about the prefects meeting we have after dinner when we get back. We talked about what we did during break for a bit. I told her how much I appreciate the journal, and she was pleased. She said this year winter break was better than last year because her sister, Petunia, was away most of the break at her boyfriend's house. From what I heard the boyfriend's name is Vermin or something and he's as nice as her sister. This means he'll encourage Petunia to be even nastier to Lily. **Poor Lily-Billy-fo-Filly. Oooh…new targets!!!!**

Well we should be back at Hogwarts in about thirty minutes. I can't wait until I get back. Hogwarts has become my second home. I can't believe that in a year's time I'll be in my last year. Then I'll be out of school. Attempting to find work will be emotionally draining. What good is being one of the best students in your year if it means I'll never get a decent job for long because of what I am? **I'll give you money Moony! You know I have enough of it. And you'll be living with me anyway, cause Lilykins and Prongsie will be married by then.**

Speaking of my furry little problem it was better than last year; I didn't have the full moon on my birthday again, but it wasn't wonderful either. Oh well Archimedes maybe someone will discover a cure for it or make it more bearable. **Sorry I couldn't come over Moony…you know my mum's a crazy old bat. But I'll be there this summer.**

On a slightly more interesting note, I need to tell dad to stop playing with dangerous muggle and magical chemicals in the basement. I mean that's the reason the dust bunnies act the way they do. **Muggle things made them like that? I'll have to remember to thank your dad…**They never used to follow anyone before the explosion. I hear the guys coming back so I'll stop writing for now, and I think I'll change your name. Archimedes is a name for an owl not a journal. How about until I think of a better name you can be uhh… Bartholomew? **Heehee, Bartholomew. What is your diary, a monk? Poor, poor celibate diary of Moony. And poor, poor celibate Moony.**

Until next time, then. I'll think of a better name I promise. **Like Padoony.**

Remus _AND_** Sirius**

**E/N:** Ok, see what you've done your lack of reviews has reduced poor Bee to begging. So I will ask very, very nicely please review. So my wonderful readers you know what to do. Em :p

**B/N:** Okay people. There were 57 hits on this story. 57. And one person put this on story alert. But there were no reviews. None. Zip. Absolutely nada. Now, normally this would drive me up the wall, but Em3191, who is also posting this, got a review. So I've beta-ed and added Sirius for that person, and of course the person who put this on story alert. But I expect a review this time! At least one people! Come on. Even if it's just to say, "omg ths stry sucks!" Seriously I'm that desperate.

Anyway…hope you liked this chapter! Can't wait to hear from you!

Please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bee :)


	3. A Pirate's Life For Me

**E/N: I don't own anything you recognize.**

**B/N: sigh And neither do I unfortunately. Though I wish so thoroughly that I did.**

**A/N Oh and Italics mean somebody's thoughts, or actions, or writing under complete duress, but I'm sure that you smart readers will be able to tell the difference. :) **

**There are some differences between my chapter and the one IndecribablyBee's posting the largest of which are tense changes. I originally wrote this chapter in past tense, but she just personally likes the way that it flows in present tense, but I liked the flow with past tense, so she let me keep my past tense and she kept her present tense. And I figured I could do that cause we're posting on different accounts.**

**Also, I know temporarily in the summary it said that this story was not going to be slash. However, I was talking to Bee and I said that maybe, possibly she could make it slash, if the story headed in that direction. But it would only be on her account if that is where it went, cause we weren't originally intending to make it slash, and so the original would go on mine. We will of course let you all know if this version does change to slash. I don't mean to get anyone's hopes up by writing this however because honestly I don't know if this story will go in that direction. I just thought I should throw that out there just in case. And I want absolutely no flames later in the story if it does turn slash because I've given you all proper warning as of now. It's not my fault if you refuse to read author's notes. **

**But we probably shouldn't worry about that because though Bee got a marginally increased reviews last chapter, it wasn't monumental. So flames of any sort are probably unlikely. And now after the longest author's note in the history of author's notes, we give to you: the next chapter!**

Chapter 3 A Pirate's Life for Me 

January 15

Hi Bartholomew,

Ugh. Sirius is right I really need to change your name. . **Of course I'm right! I always am, Moony. **I promise by the end of this entrée you will have a better name. Anyway, I just finished this killer potions test and I'm going to relax in the dorm.

Approach dorm. Find I am too shocked to be able to write currently. Will record events later, when I regain the ability to think coherently.

Well would you look at that…is that water? What's going on did Peter flood the bathroom again?! **Ugh, that was gross. I repressed that. **Wait I hear singing…and it's not Peter, what a relief! Oh Merlin its Sirius. **Hey! I'll have you know I'm an amazing singer! **What is going on in there? What the hell is he singing? What song is there about really bad eggs? **Argh, I'll give you one guess matey! **What is he doing in there? Well, I guess the only way to find out is to go in.

Of all the scenarios running through my head what I saw in there I was not prepared for. **Of course not, for I am the great original Padfoot!**

As soon as I opened the door water raced towards me. I closed the door and the water went up to my chest. Looking around the dorm, if you could call it that, it looked more like a pirate hideout or an ocean. **The Great Ocean of the Dogs, Dust Bunnies, and Werewolves! **Taking another look around I saw something swimming toward me. It seemed that Sirius had charmed inflatable muggle pool toys. I could see a shark a crocodile, and another shark swimming toward me.

I swear I think I just saw an octopus. **Ocktie!**

And if you don't mind I need to get to my bed…uh ship, and away from this very life-like shark. Once aboard I heard laughter… Sirius. **Of course me, who else?**

"Argh! Looks to me like our other captain has finally showed up!" Sirius said from his ship. **My ship! All mine!**

"How… why…what did you do to our room!?" I spluttered.

He replied, "I wanted to play pirates with you and the other guys!"

"But…what!"

"Argh, captain Moony, go below deck and change into your pirate clothes." Sirius said.

I sighed, and thought about the situation for a moment, before coming to a **(brilliant and predictable)** conclusion.

_Oh well if you can't beat 'em join 'em_.

I changed into my pirate costume, eye patch and all. When I came back above deck I realized Sirius had a similar costume: bandana on his head, a hat with no feather, a tattered coat, and…is that James' owl on his shoulder? **Why yes, Moony, it is. **The only difference between Sirius' costume and mine was that I had an eye patch, and didn't get a fancy hat. **My hat is fancy isn't it?**

"Ok Moony, prepare for battle. Argh!" Sirius barked and his crew hopped up on deck.

_Merlin those dust bunnies defiantly got bigger. Some of them actually resemble rabbits, which is quite disturbing really._ **It's not disturbing! They're the perfect pirate crew and really loyal and amazing friends! So there!**

It was really hard to not laugh at Sirius' crew, because it's pretty humorous to see dust bunnies in pirate hats, some with eye patches and others with peg legs, but they all sported inflatable swords; that they are currently jabbing into the air. Trust Sirius to have a mutant bunny crew. **DO NOT DARE TO MOCK THE DUST BUNNY CREW OF THE GREAT CAPTAIN PADFOOT!! DOOM AND DESTRUCTION UPON YOUR SHIP!! DOOM AND DESTRUCTION I SAY!!**

"Ok crew, ready the cannons and fire at Moony!" Sirius commanded before he went to the wheel while singing the pirate song that I heard earlier. **It's such a lovely, lovely song.**

Before I had time to find the cannon, however, I was bombarded with toilet paper, pillows, and…rubber ducks?! _Where did Sirius find his ammunition?_ **Three guesses Moony!**

After a minute's worth of searching I finally found a cannon. Within seconds, a full-fledged sea battle raged on… **Sea Battle! Hooray! …**And neither Sirius nor I saw the door open and James and Peter walk in.

We didn't see them…but the very life like and somewhat violent pool toys did. **They're merely misunderstood.** We finally noticed them when James was fighting off a crocodile and Peter was having some trouble with an octopus. **Ocktie!** Our battle was currently put on halt in order to help our other friends to their boats so they could change into their costumes and join the battle. **Pirate garb, Moony! Not costumes!**

_Oh, looks like Peter boarded Sirius' ship. Good God those dust bunnies are brutal_. **Psht. Merely overprotective.**

"Peter get back to you boat if you wish to live!" I yelled out.

Just then our dorm decided it couldn't handle the excessive amount of water. The door burst open spilling the water, and everything else from our dorm, into the common room.

As we zoomed into the common room Sirius was shooting at everything in sight. Many first years were forced to race for cover as toilet paper, pillows, and rubber ducks ricocheted of walls and paintings hitting unsuspecting kids in the face. Some third years were having trouble with the charmed pool toys.

But did this change of scenery stop our battle? No, of course not. Sirius was in charge.

But Professor McGonnagal did. When she walked in, she didn't seem to appreciate being drenched with in water. **Although for the life of me I can't figure out why…** She made this sputtering noise and looked ready to kill someone. When she turned our way though I didn't know if she wanted to yell at us or burst out laughing. **She did turn awful red!**

Peter was tied to the mast and held hostage the by dust bunnies on Sirius' ship. His own ship was used by those who needed refuge from the pool toys. Sirius was posed and ready, about to swing down from the crows nest, rope in hand. James' ship was rapidly sinking and he was clinging to the mast trying to climb higher to avoid that water. **He was kind of like a cat in that respect. **And I was just about to fire the cannon at Sirius' ship.

After a second of just standing there. McGonagall started the lecture and then the detentions came. We just finished de-flooding the common room, and I'm dead tired. I'm off to bed. **Can we do this again tomorrow Moony? Or instead we could play space men and take on the evil alien invaders who are trying to take the moon…**

Ahoy Matey,

Remus J. Lupin **and Sirius O. Black…Moony what does the J stand for?**

P.S. Thought of a name how does Jack sound? **Like you think you're journal is a puppy. Or a drunken pirate. I still vote for Padoony. But of course you won't listen to me now will you? Of course you don't because you don't want to admit that I'm smarter than you! Which I am of course!**

**E/N: Ok lovely readers reviews are greatly appreciated. Oh and if you didn't read the incredibly long authors note at the beginning I suggest you do.**


	4. The Not So Much of a Lady and the Tramp

**E/N: I don't own Harry Potter Or Lady and the Tramp**

B/N: Eck…is this really all that important anyway? You all know there is no ownership here…except of course for the amazing plot. ;)

Chapter 4: The Not So Much of a Lady and the Tramp 

January 30

Dear Carter,

Today we decided to help James with his nonexistent relationship with Lily so he wouldn't drive us mad. Somehow Sirius and I got stuck trying to think up date ideas for James, if Lily ever said yes. **Which she won't. If she does I vow to eat Peter's disgusting yellow socks, with chili on top.** Peter would have helped if he wasn't in the hospital wing suffering from a rather nasty dust bunny wounds to the head and uh… everywhere else. _Note to self: talk to Sirius about the aggression problems his… pets have._ **They are not my pets! They are my loyal and dear friends. And they don't have aggression problems! They were merely feeling protective at the time…and they just don't like Peter. His smell offends them or something. Apparently, dust bunnies don't like rats…**

_(3 hours later)_

At this time we have come up with very few ideas. I have suggested a picnic at night with lots of candles and stuff. It's very romantic and such…or so I've heard.** Oooh! Moony's keeping secrets! Spill your furry little guts!** Sirius actually had a good semi-romantic idea, too. James was surprised. I think his jaw might have dropped a few feet. The third years were complaining anyway…**you'd think I don't have good ideas all the time. :)** It was going to the Room of Requirement and having it turn into a beach…and then to just wing it from there.

James just had a mental break down because, "This is Lily we're talking about and everything has to be perfect!" His words not mine. **Or mine.** He tried to incorporate both ideas into the perfect date and let's just say it didn't go so well...

"Sirius! Why did you hit James?! Is he still conscious?!" **…May-be…**

"Well he's calm now… his pacing was making me nervous." Sirius said. I just looked at him.** Yeah, with your prefect-y look. You know I can't stand up to you when you give me the look full of shudder dare I say it…**_**responsibility.**_** Ugh, Moony! Why'd you make me do it?! **"Ok, fine I'll wake him."

A bucket of water appeared over James and it emptied all over him, causing James to wake up and sputter incoherently. **He babbled like a bald monkey in a purple bubble bath!**

We finished planning the date with the help of the Lady and the Tramp (don't ask). It was to be a romantic candle-lit picnic by the lake, with spaghetti. **And the meatiest balls you ever did see! Moony! Mind out of the gutter!** Now all James needs to do is ask Lily.

(_Some other part of the castle) _

"You know the plan follow them and make sure everything goes right or else!"

An hour has passed since James has left to ask Lily out for the 300th time.

Sirius and I decided to play chess. I only had two more moves, and I might have won when:

Argh! Sirius! He just flipped the chessboard over yelling, "James is back!"

Oh dear. James looked kind of dazed. Did she say yes? I hope so, because if she didn't it's my turn to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid...

We all held our breaths and waited for the news…

"Guys Lily… She said yes. I think I'm dreaming. Ow! Padfoot! Why'd you pinch me?"

Sirius just said, "Well you felt that, so no, you're not dreaming." James beat him with a pillow.

The date was set for 8pm and James went to meet Lily in the Great Hall.

Before that time however, we had to reassure the nervous wreck that the date would go fine and that, "No, the giant squid won't be jealous."

I still don't understand that part. **I do! But I won't tell you unless you give me the blue candy!**

Thankfully 8 o'clock was upon us sooner than we expected. James left for the Great Hall with flowers in hand for Lily. That was when Sirius pulled out James' Invisibility Cloak, covered the both of us, and dragged **(dragged? Me? Why Moony I am appalled!) **...Me off to follow James, despite my protests of:

'Sirius this isn't right!'

And, Sirius's favorite,

'We'll get caught and then James will have our heads.' **Well he wasn't really going to have our heads. I mean geez Moony, you are such a drama queen!**

After I figured out I wasn't going to win that battle I decided to shut up and see what would happen. I'll admit I wanted to see if he would muck it up. But hey, you can't blame me. I mean this is James POTTER and Lily EVANS that we're talking about. **True Moony. True. But just wait until I tell James…**

That date was going unusually well. Lily didn't look ready to kill James in the slightest.

After a while, I told Sirius I thought we should go back to the castle. I felt bad that we had invaded their privacy and spying on them felt wrong. I was then told to shut up and live a little. And to be quiet or they'd hear us. **Abide by my laws or thee shall perish. The great and powerful Padfoot has spoken!**

Lily and James finished up their dinner and started to do that spaghetti thing from Lady and the Tramp. I couldn't believe that Lily was willing to kiss James on the first date. Especially since just yesterday she was yelling that she hated him.

And what? Oh my…Oh no…Oh ew!

Oh Merlin, I think I'm gonna be sick! **Squeamish little thing aren't yah Moonster?**

Sirius stop laughing!

Let me explain what just happened:

It started with the spaghetti they were sharing. **That one accursed piece of spaghetti! Oh why have you wronged the fair Marauder that is Prongs dear, dear pasta! Oh well. I know what I'm having for lunch later!** Once their lips met Lily morphed into Snape. So James was on a date with Snape all along…and now… he…oh I don't know if I can bear to write it…ahem. Sorry channeled Sirius for a bit there. Anyway…. James kissed Snape.

Of course, once James realized this, he jumped back and the both of them screamed. And let me tell you they have some pretty powerful screams. **And high-pitched. A great deal high-pitched. Like a girl's almost…except that would be demeaning to girls everywhere.**

James tried to put as much distance between himself and Snape and ended up falling into the lake.

After Sirius got over his laughing fit, (which took a while, let me tell you) he turned to me and said solemnly:

"You owe me 4 galleons. I said earlier that the only way Lily would go out with James was if it was Imperius or Polyjuice Potion. And it seems to have been both in this case."

I stared at him dumbfounded and handed over the money. **Yeah! Money, money, money, money, rocking everywhere! In my hair, in my stare, and even over there!**

Then I had to go fish James out of the lake.

(_Some where in the Forbidden Forest)_

"Now we can fully initiate you to our ranks Severus." A voice states before walking off leaving the slightly green victim of the initiation prank alone, angry, and humiliated.

Sirius and I dragged a sopping wet James Potter back to the Common Room. James was starting to feel a little better until the portrait opened, and revealed Lily sitting at a nearby table reading.

Sirius couldn't take it and at one glance at her, he was on the floor laughing and pointing.

James shuddered and then looking manic started pointing at Lily and growling "You!" before running upstairs, leaving Sirius and I to explain his behavior, to a very confused Lily.

It took longer to explain to her than we thought, because _someone_ couldn't control his laughter. **Moony you know I have control issues! And laughter isn't meant to be contained! It's meant to be free, and I was merely insuring that freedom. **But once we finally did Lily went through a wide and slightly confusing range of emotions.

First she looked a bit angry, and then shocked, and then it looked like she felt a bit bad for James! The next thing we knew she was crossing the Common Room and heading towards our dorm. So Sirius threw the Invisibility Cloak over us and we headed up the stairs.

She opened the door and looked around a bit, venturing a few steps into the dimly lit room. Finally her eyes landed on James. He was coming out of the bathroom, scrubbing his mouth out furiously with his toothbrush. When he saw Lily his eyes widened a bit and he backed up, which caused her to laugh. **James is such a dork.**

I turned around trying to get Sirius to leave, so they could have some privacy but Sirius stepped on my foot and mouthed, "We're staying." **Cause I'm in charge.**

After deciding I probably wouldn't convince Sirius to leave them be. I looked back over at Lily and James. They were talking about Hogsmeade for some reason.

She turned to leave when the conversation ended, but only got half way to the door, before turning around. She walked all the way back to James and gave him a great big bear hug, much to my amazement. **Mine too.**

Even though it only lasted a few seconds, Lily turned away to the door bright red.

James had a goofy smile on his face. And after a few seconds of silence James said aloud "She might actually like me! Even if it is just as a friend."

Sirius and I tried to sneak out of the dorm after this pronouncement but Sirius tripped over a part of the cloak sending us sprawling and blowing our cover. **I'm sorry I'm clumsy Moony. But I tripped over your big feet.**

Being caught for spying the second time that day, led us to being forced to help James with ideas for his next date with Lily. **Cause that's likely to happen.**

I warned Sirius that this might happen.

Well I'm going to bed and by now you probably know that you'll end up with a new name next entree.

TTFN.

Remus **and Sirius the Leader **

PS: Sirius! Stop writing in here! And stop stealing my Jolly Ranchers! **But they turn my tongue blue Moony!** I don't care! If you want some get your own! **I am. Through you! Aw, Moonster you know I love you.**

PPS: Padoony is the single best name on this planet! wink wink 

**E/N: You know the drill oh wonderful readers press the button and review.**


	5. Planning to Have a Ball

B/N: WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MUCHO BAD LANGUAGE

**B/N: WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MUCHO BAD LANGUAGE. ANY AND ALL CURSING IS MY FAULT AND MY RESPONSIBILITY! BECAUSE I AM AWESOME! AND I AM ALSO A SHIT BETA AND I APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY FOR NOT BETA-ING THIS CHAPTER ON CHRISTMAS EVE WHEN IT WAS SENT TO ME! I KNOW I SUCK ASS, BUT HERE'S THE NEXT INSTALLMENT. ARE YOU READY? FUCK YEAH YOU ARE!! :)**

**E/N: Any thing you recognize not mine I tried to stick with some 70's music but couldn't resist throwing some other bands in there.**

**Chapter 5: Planning to Have a Ball**

February 1st

Dear Dionysus,

Did I mention we're having a Valentine's Day Ball? Lily and I got stuck with decorations and music. As prefects, it is "our duty to the school to make this experience the best it can be." **Your duty stinks.** Bloody Perkins. Big-head boy more like. **That is so two decades ago Moony. Come up with some new material.** Did I also mention I absolutely hate the Valentine's Day Ball?

Lily, unfortunately, is over the moon about it. She's volunteered to take decorations. I'm in charge of music. I'm also in charge of helping her with menial labor, and have to "recruit anyone else who you feel is up to the challenge." Mariah's just as bad. Big-head girl. It's a wonder their egos don't crush each other actually…I suppose I could get James and Sirius to help. **Fuck yeah I can help! Because I'm STRONG and MANLY and…look! A kitty!**

I have to go back to the Tower now, and can't write while I walk, unfortunately. I should look for a spell to fix that…

_6th year Boys' Dormitory_

Music, music, music. What type of music should we have at the ball? Live music? That means I'd have to find a band… Will the students even want live music? **Ponder, ponder, ponder…**

Maybe I'll just find a DJ. Then I won't need to worry about what the students' want, cause they can just request it! And there can be karaoke or something. Yeah, mix Muggle and Wizard rock. **Yeah for inter-cultural stuffing!** I should probably go find Lily and let her know what I've decided…

_Six minutes later_

I found a great new spell to record conversations and descriptions of people and stuff, and I think I'm going to try it out for my conversation with Lily. **I thought I was your lab dog! MOOOOONNNYYY!! You don't love me enough to rest out funs spells on me anymore, do you!?**

Ready? Of course you are.

"Writus Freeus." Remus said putting his wand away. "Cool."

_Library with Lily_

"Great idea Remus! I have all I need for decorations, I think, and I've got most of the work and setup all scheduled and everything too. I'm so excited!"

"All I need to do is get a DJ and put together a basic song list, and the DJ can do the rest, so I can help you out with decorating, and whatnot." **WHATNOT! Yes! I win the bet! You said it! You said it! Hand over the blue candies biatch!**

"We should be all set then. We have everything, well, except for dates. Do you have anyone in mind Remus? **Nosy, nosy, Lily.** If not, I know quite a few girls who would love a date with the elusive Mr. Lupin."

"Well…I don't really have anyone in mind. I, uh, think I'm going to fly solo on this one. Hang out with Sirius." Remus smiled mischievously. "Speaking of dates, who are you going with Ms. Evans?" **Nosy, nosy Moony. Haven't I taught you better?**

"No one yet. I haven't been asked." **Psht, yeah, cause James threatened off everyone else with a castration hex if they come anywhere near her.**

"Well if you wanted, there's this messy-haired Gryffindor that would be honored and ecstatic to be your date, even if you only went as friends." **You better be talking about James.**

"I don't know Remus. I mean we're finally getting along. We haven't been at each other's throats in a while, and I like not fighting with him. I'm getting used to him being a nice person, and want him asking me out every five minutes again." **Too bad. We could start up the tally again. Ah, good times, good times.** "I know it sounds horrible but I just want to see if I can handle being his friend, before anything else." Lily sighed.

"Okay Lily, but he's just happy you're talking to him. He thinks that you'll want to go with him as a friend if he asks you."

"SUEERF SUTIRW."

We are sitting in silence. It's awkward. Oh, wait, Lily's leaving. I'm going back to the dorm, then.

_6__th__ Year Boys' Dormitory_

Sirius is hanging off his bed, upside down, talking to his dust bunnies. He's really starting to worry me. And those dust bunnies seem awfully organized… **They've decided to go to war against Peter's socks. I'm so proud. Though I probably should have warned Peter…** Peter is asleep in his Transfiguration homework, again. James is in the loo.

Sirius is looking up at me, now. He smiles when I see him.

"Moonykins! You're back!" I wince at the accursed nickname Sirius has bestowed upon me. **Good description! I love the creativity, Moonykins. :) 8.5 my friend.**

"How is the lovely Miss Evans today?" James has just walked into the room. He is looking at me expectantly, now.

"Lily is fine. She can't wait for the ball. Oh, and Prongs, she doesn't have a date yet." I wonder why I feel the need to constantly throw him a bone like this. **Is that where my bones keep disappearing?? Fuck Moony, I need those! :)**

"Really!?" James sounds very surprised.

"Yeah. She was even telling me that she'd love to go with you as friends, as long as you didn't go back to acting like a total big-headed prick." **Aaahhhh!! Bad pun! Such a bad pun!! My eyes are BLEEDING from that BAD FUCKING PUN! Oh crap. AND NOW I'M A PART OF IT MOONY! HOW COULD YOU!!**

James looks excessively excited. I think his brains about to short circuit.

"Well, I just need to prove to her that I won't be a prat! Should I ask her to the ball as more than friends? That way I can dance with her all night? Or maybe just friends, cause she'll be able to see that I'm trying? But if she says no…Oh my gosh. She could show up with the giant squid, again!" **Brain Overload! I'm surprised he didn't try to jump out the window again.**

"Prongs, you're not making sense! Not that you ever do, but shit man, really. Just go ask Lily flower to the dance. That way you won't be plotting the death of the poor bloke who does. 'Cause we all know how easily you get jealous." Sirius sang that last line, I swear. James'll take the bait though.

"I do not get jealous easily!" Ah, denial. How lovely. James is scowling so furiously I'm surprised his face hasn't fallen off. **Why the fuck would his face fall off?**

"Oh, really? Are you sure about that James? So Remus," I'm looking at him curiously. I can't help it. **I am irresistible.** "How's you're wall doing? Still a gaping hole there?" Sirius is smirking quite evilly now.

"Shut up Sirius." James is bright red. "I'm really sorry Moony. I can fix it, if it's still there."

"It's fine James. The wall is fixed, but I agree with Sirius. Ask Lily to go with you to the dance. But hurry before anyone else asks her." Sirius and James are smiling kind of ferociously now. I just don't want to know. **That's probably for the best Moony.**

_Meeting with Lily __**(For some reason Sirius and James have decided to tag along)**_

"Hi Remus, are you ready to finish planning? Oh, Sirius, James, what are you two doing here?" Lily looks majorly confused.

"We're here to help good ol'Remmie pick out some more music and to help you both out, if you need us." Sirius is smiling again. **Why do you feel the need to point out when I'm smiling ****every time**** I'm smiling? You have frownaphobia don't you? I'll just have to smile all the time to help you deal with it then. :)**

Lily looks majorly suspicious. Not that I blame her of course… She's got her eyebrows raised as if to say 'no really what are you doing here?'

"Really Lily, we want to help. We're bored, there's no quidditch today, and Remus already has to plan the ball. Plus, we can't seem to find Peter… Anyway, we'll seriously," I groan at James' pun. Sirius laughs. "Attempt to help the best we can. Please let us stay." James finishes. **You could almost see the pout on his face. Rather pathetic really.**

"Fine, but you better actually do something productive." Lily doesn't seem all that reluctant to let us help. Sirius's grin is getting wider, and wider though. **Frownaphobia!** I wonder what he's planning…

"I call Moony!" Sirius just pulled me off to the other side of the library. The look on James and Lily's faces were funny, though. I guess that almost makes up for smashing me into the bookcase…

Lily and James are currently doing Merlin knows what, **that was my plan!** on the other side of the library, while Sirius is currently dancing and naming off random bands that "absolutely _have to_ be on the list."

Our final list is something like this: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Raging Hippogriffs, The Pixies in Heat, Aerosmith, and the Beaters. And of course the DJ will bring more. Now to actually hire a DJ…the budget isn't that big, but since Lily isn't spending a lot we could probably splurge a bit.

To the auditions!

But first, or course, Sirius has decided to spy on Lily and James. I'm tagging along for…moral support. **Lying to inanimate objects again Moony? Shame, shame. I thought we were over this…**

Lily and James seemed to be talking casually, but both were very tense, and seemed excessively nervous.

"I don't know. I was thinking about asking this one girl, but I, uh, I might just go single."

"Really?" Lily looks a bit…upset. Whoa. **Whoa.** "You should ask her James. I'm, er, I'm sure she'll say yes." Lily's biting her lip, looking at Prongs. Don't screw up, don't screw up, don't screw up please!

"Okay…well, um…Lily, do you think you'd, er, want to go to the ball…with me?"

"Um…sure James. I'd be happy to go with you." Lily's quite pink, now. But it can't be that embarrassing to say yes to someone you've rejected for years…

"Oh, I understand. I can go ask somebody—wait. Did you just say yes?!" James jaw is on the floor. He is quite shocked, really. **And the award for understatement of the century goes too… :)**

"Yes, but, um, we can go as friends right?" James was not at all deterred.

"Of course! Thanks Lily!" He kissed her on the cheek, and now she's a tomato. "I have to go tell the guys." James just disappeared behind a bookshelf and I'm pretty sure I heard a whoop, too.

I just hope he doesn't try to bring out the Firewhiskey later. I mean really, it's not as if she said she'd marry him. **Yeah it is. Potter charm and all that. She's toast. They'll be married within the week.**

I have to go find a DJ with Padfoot now. He seems awfully excited. **Yeah! We're off to find a DJ! A wonderful DJ named Hans!**

Sincerely,

Remus **and Sirius the Great**

PS: I don't think I want to name you after the god of wine, and partying. Sirius is sure to be much too childish about it. **WHAT! I am not childish! Just for that I'm going to pound your pillow into mush! I'm going to melt your chocolate supply! I'm going to make your bed into a fondue pit, and my and my dust bunny friends will do the Macarena around it, you—you stinky-head!**

Anyway, I think I'll change your name for next entry. It'll be something good, don't worry…not that you would anyway, seeing as you're an inanimate object, and I'm just going to end this now…

**PPS: subliminal messaging: Padoony, Padoony, Padoony, Padoony, Padoony, Padoony, Padoony, Padoony. You want to name your diary…ahem I mean journal…Padoony! :)**

**B/N: Yes! It's finally out! Now Em can start harassing me about the next chapter. :) Anyway, this was officially finished on Wednesday and is just over 7 pages long. I'll finish beta-ing Em's version and then I'll send it off and it should be up by SATurday, a.k.a. SAT day (for me anyway). If not then it won't be til a weekday cause we've got the boozle on Sunday. Love you all and review please, and you can all tell me how much of a shit beta I am. :) Oh and of course that you adored the cursing. I curse a lot in real life, so be prepared. :) Love you all (mostly)!**

**Oh, and yeah, like I said above, I'm responsible for all cursing, dirty language, naughty puns, and offensive material in this chapter, so if you have an issue, harass me not her. :)**

**E/N: Hello sorry for the long wait for this chapter I decided to keep the cursing in and bump up the rating to M if it isn't already so yeah. The next chapter is in progress I'll be sending it to Bee soon and start harassing her about it. So read and review amazing readers. **


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